Family-law mediator Alex Jacobson joins the show to discuss when to hire a lawyer, why DIY or AI-drafted divorce documents can be risky, and how mediation can save time, money, and emotional stress. Alex explains how mediation works (including attorney-assisted mediation), what to consider in parenting plans, why courts still approve mediated agreements, and practical steps to protect your children and finances during separation.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Joining me now to help break it all down, Alex Jacobson is the founder of Jacobson Mediation Group. Alex, always a pleasure to see you.
Thanks for joining us this morning. Thank you for having me. And we’re going to talk about divorce today.
I’m happy to talk about divorce, only in the sense that we give people direction on where they want to go if they need to go down this route. So very privileged to have you on the program. Let me start with a kind of an odd question, but I’m going to throw it out there.
You know, I’ve seen a lot of commercials for like LegalZoom. I think that was sounded by Bob Shapiro, famous of the OJ trial. There are others that other sites where you can create your own documents.
Is it wise to go through a divorce? This is pretty complicated on your own without consulting an attorney, a CPA, etc.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I strongly advise against that. If your case is so simple that it can be done relatively quickly, not financially complex, no disputed custody issues, then hire a younger associate from a law firm. You don’t need a senior partner at the firm to draft the documents, but you want it done correctly.
And then if it’s a more complex case that has, you know, real financial significance, disputed custody issues, you want it drafted properly. You want to make sure that this is going to be a durable document that a judge is going to stamp. And I sort of liken it to going to the DMV and getting to the front of the line and not having everything you need to get your driver’s license renewed.
When you go through the process of getting divorced, there are many steps, some of which are administrative, some of which are substantive. And you want it all done correctly so that you can get it across the finish line in a complete way.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Let me let me follow up with that. So therefore, using your logic, you probably shouldn’t go to chat GPT or some other A.I. Because, you know, A.I. is so pervasive now everywhere you go, including in the legal profession. I’m sure people, lawyers use it in some shape or form, but I wouldn’t go there as well.
I wouldn’t consult with my open A.I. to help guide me through a divorce.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Look, can you consult with it to get the wheels turning and help you think of questions that you may not be asking yourself, topics that you may not be considering? Of course. But do you want A.I. drafting your divorce documents? This is a really significant document that you want done properly. So, you know, I say no, but maybe I’m a dinosaur and I’m going to be replaced by A.I. I don’t know.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
You are not. First of all, I’m the dinosaur between the two of us. I’m the dinosaur.
But in all seriousness, I would prefer an expert. I mean, I think the more I guess it would depend on your your age. Right.
The more the more assets you have, the more things you have. It’s like your your your tax return, the tax return. You could probably do your own filing or use one of the software packages.
The more complex your tax return gets, you probably need to consult the CPA for all the different components to that. Let me. So I agree with you.
And I don’t think you’re a dinosaur at all. I think you’re just rational and reasonable. Let’s talk about mediation, because the antithesis of a divorce is that it’s going to be expensive.
It’s going to have a lot of cost to it. I’m never going to it’s going to go on for years and years and years. In some cases, it does.
Mediation is really a way to streamline. My understanding is of the divorce process.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Absolutely. And it can be streamlined in multiple ways. You know, when you’re in a divorce litigation process, attorneys will ask for every document under the sun to be produced.
Every credit card statement, every bank account statement. And then they spend time reviewing those statements and you’re incurring unnecessary fees as a result. So, you know, streamlining the discovery process, keeping your kids out of the process.
You know, in mediation, parents can sit in a conference room or in separate breakout rooms and try to come to a complete agreement relating to their kids without the need for a guardian being appointed, without the need for their kids to be interviewed and involved in the process that streamlines the process. And so, you know, in mediation, we have the opportunity to tailor the process to the needs of that family, both from a financial and parenting perspective. And that cuts down on time and cost and emotional stress.
So, you know, I I’m a huge proponent of mediation, obviously, but it really does streamline the process.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Are more people heading in this in that direction? I would assume. Yes, I think there’s always going to be acrimony.
There’s always going to be disagreement. Are people going to you see like the big celebrity cases? They always go to, you know, having a divorce attorney.
I don’t think they ever go to mediation.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
I could be wrong, but just to correct that for one second, mediation is still for very high conflict cases. It’s just for cases where people recognize that we’re not serving anybody but the lawyers to take it to litigation. Mediation is also can be attorney assisted mediation where the attorneys participate in the process, helping their clients, giving them that real time legal advice in the process, but without having to go to court.
So it’s not just for people who almost get along and need help dotting I’s and crossing T’s in their agreement. It’s still for very high conflict, financially complex cases. But it’s but it’s a way to get it done in a more streamlined fashion.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Well, I will accept that correction. Thank you in that distinction. Thank you so much for correcting me because I am the layperson here.
Let’s talk about co-parenting for a couple of minutes, because this has to be without a doubt. One of the more, you know, aside from distributing assets and and whatnot, custody, figuring out who’s going to handle what for the children. One, two, three, four, however many kids you have.
How does that work? Because I could see that being difficult.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It’s it’s incredibly challenging. And when people don’t get along and can’t agree up, agree upon what an appropriate schedule is for their kids. Number one, it oftentimes makes them continue living in the same house together until they reach that agreement, which is, you know, understandably a very toxic environment for the kids.
And so it’s really important to reach that parenting agreement, even if it’s a temporary schedule quickly, as quickly as possible, so that the kids aren’t subjected to the constant conflict between their parents. But it’s also very important to consider all of the nuances that must be taken into consideration in a parenting schedule. Do you have a superstar athlete that’s going to have practices and games here, there and everywhere?
Do you have a kid that has special learning needs, you know, and that you need to tend to and, you know, parents whose work schedules may not be conducive to supporting those learning needs? Are there medical needs that you need to be mindful of? So it’s not just as simple as who’s going to have Monday and Tuesday night and who’s going to have Wednesday and Thursday night and you’re going to alternate weekends.
You have to be really thoughtful about the process to make sure that the kids are, that they are impacted as little as possible in this process. And they can be comfortable laying their head down in a bed at home with both of their parents.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And that co-parenting agreement, is that a separate document from the separation or divorce agreement? It doesn’t need to be ratified. I’m asking more of a procedural question.
Does it need to be ratified by the court?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It does. Ultimately, it does. You can create a temporary schedule, but ultimately your parenting agreement is one document, your financial agreement is one document, and it’s, you know, they’re both ultimately blessed by the court.
But you don’t have to, when I say they’re blessed by the court, you don’t have to be involved in the litigation process for that to happen. You reach an agreement of mediation and then you submit it to the court for the judge to stamp it.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
I have an odd question, so I hope you permit me. Of course. Because I just come, you know, you watch Perry Mason or whatever the show, Matlock, with Kathy Bates, and there’s always the forum shopping or you try to get a judge versus another judge.
How does it work in the divorce process? Do you just get the, is it next judge?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
It’s random. It’s a total random assignment. You don’t get to choose.
There’s several more procedural steps to that. You can, on one occasion, take a change from a judge and then you get reassigned to a new judge, but it is a random assignment.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
And how do you, you know, judges do a lot of different things. They are over different court cases. How do you get on the good side of the judges, follow the direction?
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
Be prepared. Be prepared. As an attorney, as a litigant, be prepared.
You know, know what the issues are that are going to be presented before the court on that particular occasion. Be prepared. Have provided that, you know, the, whatever legal briefs you need to provide to the court in advance so that judge can do their reading.
That’s my best advice.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
Yeah. And you, and you probably have to have some level of, as the, one of the participants, you probably have to have some level of emotional intelligence because you’re probably going to have some setbacks, I guess. I mean, I, you know, or wins along the way.
And so being able to keep your emotions in check probably is a recommended thing, I would think. Absolutely. Alex, we’re going to have to leave it there.
Thanks so much for at least agreeing to answer some of my probably out of left field or right field questions. I really appreciate it. I think they’re probably questions that many of us that have not been through that process have.
Alex Jacobson, Jacobson Mediation Group
That’s what people want to hear.
Jeffrey Snyder, Broadcast Retirement Network
They do. They want to hear, and they want to hear from you, not me, because I don’t know anything about this. Alex, always great to see you. Thanks for joining us and we look forward to having you back again very soon.
